Bittersweet
Dark chocolate....bitter as it is, it just unfolds your deepest hidden yearnings of life.
That's how life works, I guess. The most bitter, dark experience you have, that is the just the thing that will unveil your true potential and passion.
Depends how you want to take it, sweet?....yes...you can make it taste sweeter.....cover that bitter taste on you tongue. What you'll miss is the pleasure of bitterness melting away, replaced by subtle hint of sweetness that can only be appreciated after tasting the dark...bitter bits of the chocolate.
Have I tasted the bitter chocolate? I believe I had....probably not the most bitter, dark ones. I'm not sure if I want to... but that's not for me to choose.
Still searching for my favourite chocolate...
In pursuit of happiness
My life took an unexpected turn this week. Big risky move, which I'm not foreign to, but this is a almost irresponsible of me. Yep....call me irresponsible....
I'm beginning to listen to my own heart.
We talked about life, love and dreams. Passionate and a dreamer, yet honest and true to his word. He amazed me with his passion and love for life, his hazel eyes becoming warm and intense when he talked of his dreams, the corner of his mouth slightly twitched and broke into a huge honest smile. He loves his life, his freedom and what he does. He is living his dream, I almost envied him for that.
What I'm doing now was my dream too, I just don't know if this is what I truly want for life. I think I can have that kind of passion like he does, I need to learn to love my life now. I know it's somewhere there, my love for life.
I want to be in love again, to have happiness flowing out of me. I didn't think I'd be capable of that anymore, my heart is becoming too cold and hard. I didn't shed a single tear when I broke a heart or two, I felt the remorse and regret....maybe tears of loss but not of sadness. I am not sad now at all, nor that I'm happy. I have just realised that my heart have never recovered from what happened years ago, I still feel the hate and anger when I think about it. I really don't know how to forgive and forget that pain and loss I felt.
He opens my heart a little bit. No, I'm not in love...not just yet. I'm beginning to understand my own feelings and intuition. There have been a lot of misunderstanding and misinterpretation of feelings and emotion. Fondness does not equal to love. Attraction is not love. It's too easy to say you love someone and actually forgot the meaning of it when it is said too often, too carelessly. I have been guilty of that. I don't wish to say it so easily anymore.
"Happiness is a state of mind"
What I'm doing now, everything that i'm doing now is in pursuit of happiness. If happiness is really just a state of mind, am I wasting my time/energy chasing after something that might not actually mean anything at the end? What I learnt from my 26 years of '?meaningless chase'...happiness is a journey of life. That's true for me anyway, I always look back to my past and thought..."gosh...I was happy back then..." not all of it, but big chunk of it. But why...being the ungrateful idiot I was and probably still am, I never really enjoyed the moment until it passed by me.
So that's what I'm doing now... enjoying a good company and having a good time. Maybe it is something...maybe it's not, but that doesn't matter.
PS : KM I miss you!!!!
Living for today
Here I am now in this island. It's an exciting new life and I just don't have enough time to explore everything. Work takes almost 90% of my awake moment...haha and my non-awake moment I'll be dreaming about work too....sigh...does this means I'm a workaholic? yet, I just don't feel that I'm doing good enough.
Unsure about where my life is heading, I'm living by the day. Unable to promise anything I find myself getting disconnected from the person that I thought I grow to love. Funny how distance almost always makes my mind go beserk. I just hate it...it just doesn't work with me. Anyway, I'm just going to let it be. If it's meant to be then it'll be. There's so much more for me to discover here and to experience...I'm not going to live in wishes and hopes and blah blah blah...been there, done that, didn't work.
I live for the present, not the past, nor the future.
