SIZE4

In my own bed

Three years ago, I was introduced to the blogworld by a dear dear friend, KM. It was during my darkest time. I was young and had always thought that if I am good, life will treat me good as well. And then, I was welcomed to the real cruel heartless world, emotionally beaten and betrayed...I had a hard time making sense of a lot of things. Like any normal girl who just got heartbroken for the first time, I thought nobody else could understand what I was going through. So, KM put her laptop in front of me and persuaded me to read some blogs, written by her friends and from there I started blog-hopping. I thought it's quite nice to have these kind of outlets just to vent off your feelings and share your experience with friends and even total strangers. And it feels good to know that there are other people who are on the same boat as you...and to know that they pulled through whatever deep shit they were in.

So I started blogging. On and off depending on how happy or how miserable I feel....hehe..well I am human and allowed all this mixed feelings yeah..


Now. I don't write as often as I'd like to. Well...you won't see my entry updated everyday, every month of the year... but once in a while I'll have things I have to get out of my chest and for me writing it down seems to help in some way.


Anyone who has read my previous entries will agree with me on this one...I AM A SUCKER when it comes to relationship! For the past 6 years I had four relationships and I have failed all of them. I have learnt some things from each one...but there are some mistakes that I tend to repeat over and over again. I've got some self-evaluation to do...and I think now is a good time as any. I have to remain alone and single for a while to find myself...I tend to get lost when I am in any relationship with anyone. That's normal I guess, we always choose to be with people who make us feel better about ourselves, oblivious to anykind of fault.



Believing the best of people and their potential is my biggest weakness. I don't have any prejudice towards anyone, I trust people too easily and blindly a lot of the time...to my own detriment. Not fully knowing the person, I created my own picture of the person I want to be with, build him up in my mind, I fell in love with my own creation. I was blinded to the real person inside, therefore repeatedly become the victim of my own optimism.

Foolishly I am still optimist...although I keep telling myself to grow up and get real.



Now, please...this heart of mine...be wise, be strong.

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I started writing this entry with the intention of giving myself reasons to go public with my innermost thought. Petty or superficial it may seem sometime, I don't care. It's my blog, my thought, my crap. I kinda went off path it seems...akhh well....

I closed another chapter of my life today. One relationship ended, left one job, made many friends and left them behind. I brought with me only memories...bitter and sweet...embraced them all the same. I have lived 8 months of a different kind of experience that I doubt I'll ever live again.

Now I'm back home. The whole 8 months that has just passed felt like a dream now. Now that I'm lying down in my own bed, in my own bedroom that has always been mine since childhood, I felt all the innocence and hope once again. I'm still grieving for the lost, unreturned love, but I'm optimist that with time I will be fine and happy.

So, now while listening to Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat...I am healing...and counting my blessings.

I love my room!!!!

posted by miniME @ 11:52 AM