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Just thinking..of nothing

Thought I've learnt. I have not. My heart tried to take over despite its wound. My judgement failed me again..or is it just misunderstood by my heart's desire. Told myself over and over again...don't give in to your heart...the heart does not understand about life. It does not care what happens in reality, reality is something people turns to when the heart gives up what it most desires...LOVE. Why do we have the same image when we picture heart and love? I don't know...who created that symbol? (I should find that out..rajin pulak...heheh..too much time on my hand..that's why silly thoughts keep popping on my mind...*said a friend to me*).

I don't know where this thoughts of mine are going to. I guess this time I just want to write something..altho it doesn't really say much about what I'm feeling at the moment. I have let my guard down...too quickly...foolishly.

I guess being too hopeful in life IS a dangerous thing to do. That's all. It's like choosing where to stand on either extremes of how we look at life. Cynicism (on other extreme) and Fantasy-kinda-Optimism(the other end). With being realistic and hopeful in the middle of the line...it's hard for me to be stable in the middle of the line if the rope of life keep moving right and left, up and down (just imagine the tight-rope thingy in circus). I'd prefer to chose Fantasy-kinda-Optimism over cynicism...I still want to see the beautiful things in life. I still want to appreciate the sunset on the beach, although I know it will get dark soon after it sets, then it will be dangerous for me to get home, then some dodgy person might come up to me and try to kill me or anything..bla bla...So many horrible things could happen, but I don't care. I DON'T CARE.

My heart will do anything it wants. It will bleed until it get scarred for life. Make more mistakes, get more scars...until it gets exhausted and succumb to cruel fact of life...reality. Until then, I'll savor the pain...as long as my heart can feel something...as when when the heart succumbs to reality and stand on the cynical spot(where it is more stable), it will feel nothing...just numbness.

I am learning to feel. I am learning to listen. My heart says sorry, "I didn't mean to make miniME to feel like this". Emotional was not under control, confusion sets in and mind goes.."what the heck...lets get it done and over with, she's gonna get hurt anyway,damage is done..."

My deepest and utmost apologies.

It's just a little mistake. But I thank God that it happened to me...He showed me that there will always be another.

I'll sleep. And tomorrrow will just be another ordinary day.

posted by miniME @ 1:40 AM