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Plate of thoughts...choking!! choking!!!

Had so many thoughts for the last few days. Blog it or not to? My fear is if I put it into words it will not reflect what I actually feel. "Words..don't come easy to me.." from one of my favourite song.

Things that are on my mind:

1. My elective project..have not even started reading the journals yet...let alone preparing spreadsheet for my supervisor to look at. Waaarggghhh!! when will I ever learn not to procastinate???

2. My dear Canon Powershot A70. Dropped it few weeks back. Went to Canon Centre in KL to repair it, the quotation was RM445!!!! Whaa???!!!! So I took it back...maybe will give it to my brother/parents...wait till extra money miraculously appear, then send it for repair. My sis generously offered her camera which is originally bought for mama n papa, but they said they don't really need it at the moment and offered it to me. I selfishly agreed and took it. Hmmm...bad daughter/sister. I am feeling guilty at the moment, and hoping that my parent really do not need the camera. Because I really need them, for my self-discovering mission..haha...

3. My life seems to be leading me to a possibly very difficult path. Still in early days, not too late to turn back, but I am curious to see how it will turn out. Unsurprisingly, I doubt my own sincerity (my life is full of doubts..esp lately). A friend advised me to learn to listen to my own doubts...i'm trying my best to do so. But as Victoria Beckham sang (hehehe..Mrs Beckham can sing???...i'm being mean of course..she's one determine lady tho..hehheh) "My heart has a mind of its own..." Heart has a funny way of playing with life. It speaks its own words...we can't understand it..but foolishly we obey them..we just follow them wherever it leads us. Before we know it...we have become our own slave..to please our heart. The mind (esp the logical ones) will be ranting and cursing us all throughout the ordeal..."silly girl...why can't you see how wrong this is??..bla bla bla....". But do we listen???? mostly NO. We don't. Then we got hurt, our heart got hurt..it cries, it bleeds. But the mind (like most parents)..would maybe initially say "I told you so"..but then will whisper to the heart.."shhhh..it's ok...you're going to be fine..it will pass..so on and so on" The mind will usually nurse the heart until it heals. It will do most of the thinking for us before the heart comes back to its feet(if it has any..haha..lame lame..tsk tsk)..and take over from the mind again. The cycle goes on. The dangerous thing that always happen is the when the heart tries to take over when it is not fully healed yet. We got fooled into thinking that we are finally doing fine, and are all ready to take the next step. It's like trying to walk with broken leg. But then, how will we know if we are ready to walk if we don't take the first step? Curious..curious..."Curiosity kills the cat,but it won't kill me" (quoting from a friend). Do I have anything to lose? Yes..I suppose I have. Something that I have just discovered, and have yet to enjoy and cherish. Taking a risk is when you are willing to lose something in return. Can I afford to lose this..I don't think so. I wouldn't want to.

4. ????

5. ????

6. ????

Other things on my mind but suddenly I feel tired. A lot more to write, but writing it in this state of mind (hazy and full of confusion) will not do it justice. Like I said, the heart speaks in its own words. My mind need to work extra hard in order to understand my heart. Isk..I'm not making any sense anymore..getting more corny by the minutes...better stop writing now before someone turns green (sick).

Go sleeeeepp...sleeeepp...

posted by miniME @ 10:13 AM