SIZE4

Crystal

Do you always trust you first initial feeling?

We take risks...we all do...most people take calculated risk. Yes...practically, we are not supposed to take risk blindly...without knowing and thinking of the 'what ifs'. FAITH is what we need. Faith...when we just know that something is just right..without having any prove to justify it, just knowing and believing in our hearts that this is how it is suppose to be. "What if I'm wrong? What if it's just my wishful thinking? " I asked myself that thousands of time...equally...I wondered...."What if this is it? What if this is what is meant for me? What if..."

In my life, I have been blessed with smooth paths...most of it. Sometimes I take risks..yes...calculated risks. Risks that I take whereby I have got nothing too precious to lose. Once, I took a blind risk...faith...my judgement failed me. I put my pride, my own dignity, my friends, my parents' trust in me on the line....Thank God...God still loves me..I didn't lose it all....lost a few friends, I felt humiliated, betrayed, my self-confidence crashed down the hill...but still...I gained a few more friends after that, my family supported me all the way...and I regained back my self-confidence...bit by bit. True, what my friend said...God took away the sunshine, gave me rainy days...just to show me..there is a rainbow behind those clouds...and the most beautiful sunshine I have ever seen. Yes, I have seen that sunshine...I live it now.

Now...I have a choice to make. I know it is obvious what is best practically, realistically. Do I dare to take another risk....a bigger one at that. My future...my happiness is on the line. Am I foolish to even think about it? maybe...I don't know...I don't even dare to ask for advice...if I was to be asked this question a month ago...I would whack that person's head for even thinking about it. Now that I have found something that I feel worth taking this risk for....I don't know what to do. My heart and my mind says different things. I am still scared of what the future holds for me.

Actually watching 'Practical Magic' now, and writing this during the intervals. My train of thoughts is a bit jumbled up. I want to write this now, cos I know I wouldn't continue if I stop now. But the romantic in me loves this movie so much...so a bit distracted when I'm writing this down.

"I want to find love that even time will lie down and stand still for me..." yes...most of us want that. And the water was closing all around...like a glove....like the love that had finally, finally found me. I think I have found that love.

"Have you ever put your hands out and spin around so fast? That is how love feels like, it makes your heart beat so fast...but you have to be careful...you have to keep your eyes open, and fix your eyes on something real...so that you won't get so dizzy you'll fall"

Yes...I have to keep my eyes open...I know that. Fix on something real. The thing is, what's real for me...is this feeling. Do I always trust my first initial feeling? No,I don't...but now..I think I do. Then I knew...in the crystalline knowledge of you...drove me thru the mountains...thru the crystal-like clear water fountain...drove me like a magnet....to the sea...

***********************************************************************************

posted by miniME @ 11:20 PM