SIZE4

The Leap

Run Forrest! Run!! I wanna run away!! or should I jump? jump the famous cliff in my beloved city of M. Famous for the cliff of death..took how many lives God knows how many...beautiful scenery..beautiful cliff...such a shame that it got famous because of its ability to attract depressed young girls who got dumped by stupid idiots who didnt care a single shit about them. SHould I jump too? NOt to end my short inexperienced life, but just to take a leap.

That's what people do. THey leap, with the hope that they would fly. If not, they would spend their whole life thinking; WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I MAKE THE JUMP?

How can I make The Leap? I don't even know where to land. I need a nudge. A big push. MAybe this is it. This misery. This pain. This agony. This big pile of shit that's dumped on me. It's actually a big push for me to jump.What do I want to land on?

I just want to be happy. Happy without regrets from my past. I've got too much regrets, too much for my short span of life.

Should have been a naughty girl in school. Should have told that cute boy with songkok that I liked him too. Should have held a boy's hand before 20. Should have gone out with girlfriends, being silly little schoolgirls. Should have worn short skirts and low tops that shows my cleavage..haha..Should have been more impulsive. Should have been taking care of my own heart rather than other peoples'. Shouldn't be the sensible older sister, the reliable eldest daughter. The list goes on...

Butwould I be here if I'd done what I think I should have done? Would I be here in UK, experiencing the time of my life, being hurt by the only person I'm in love with. I might not learn how to love. I still have not yet experience of being love in return.

How people can change in a flash, love can turn to nothing, not even hate...not even a care in the world. How the mind can forget. The past does not matter anymore when the present doesn't bring him happiness. Does love have to be all bed of roses? When it's not, do we just leave? and forget? There is no love for me in his heart that is worth holding on to. How I hate to remember. How I want to forget all the memories. Like it never happened at all. If only I can erase the last 4 years of my life.

THEN I'LL NEVER LEARN!

Must watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind again ( Thanks D!). Maybe I can develop the technology to erase memory selectively. How wonderful. But how wrong.
How else would I learn if not from my own stupid mistake? is there such thing as stupid mistake. A mistake is as it is. There is no clever mistake. I have to be stupid to make mistake. NO? i don't know..maybe. Of course! (i dont know how many ppl are talking in my head at the moment) Of course Ihave to be stupid in order to make mistake! If I am clever, I dont make mistake. Clever ppl survive, clever people are loved. Stupid people get played and dumped. So dont be stupid! silly girl!

Anyway, getting hurt from own mistake. That's how our heart protects us, to let us develop into a better, CLEVER human being. By getting hurt. Just like our skin (just like my sunburnt skin..oh..how lovely Monaco and Nice are..:)) it gets burnt when we touch fire. To protect us from burning to death. To tell us that's what happens when you play with fire, you get burnt. YOu'll get blisters, it get scarred. It's ugly!

Lesson: Don't play with fire. Or if you still want to play with fire, or feel the need to do it, learn to do it cleverly, so you won't get burnt. Or at least have a fore extingisher and a pack of ice or a first aid kit with you. GEDDIT!!

Just trying to make a point, not as elegantly as I hoped. Sigh...my brain is turning into mushy peas...yum...

posted by miniME @ 8:32 AM