SIZE4

Then...life happened...

Hello me!! Hello world!!
I miss you...miss talking to myself...really I do...
The last time I blogged I was pretty excited about going to Aizat & Faizal Tahir concert, I was equally excited to blog about it afterwards...honestly i was! The concert was good...i sang along...really sang on top of my voice, my husband did too...although I wasn't really familiar with Faizal Tahir song. We had a lot of fun :)) I wish I knew more of their songs tho...
Life got more interesting since that night..lets see....

First...

I found out I got pregnant...yippeee...so excited and scared at the same time. We were really really excited..I guess I got overexcited more about getting a bump than anything else..I got myself a lovely maternity dress that very 1st week of finding out about the pregnancy. yea yea I know I wouldn't be showing until after 4-5 months. Anyway it was a wonderful feeling, thinking of how it would be...a lot of thoughts in my head at the time. Was not fond of the constant nausea and puking with the slightess smell of food esp onion...blueekkk... MEGA appetite I tell you I was eating for the whole football team :p

I was happy anyway :)

Then...about 5 weeks ago...

My sister had her baby!!! My first niece!! and I was there to witness the birth! It was the longest 24 hours ever....but really worth it. She is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen...not only because I am the beautiful aunt...hehe...but really she sooooooo pretty and cute and adorable... I cried when the baby 1st cried..I was so lucky to be able to be there. My sister is a hero!!! All mums are hero....seriously. The whole process was really beautiful and painful at the same time....hehe. My BIL was there too and he was a happy daddy...couldn't stop smiling...such a beautiful family...

I miss my niece so much....I hope deep down she remembers me being there when she 1st open her beautiful eyes...

So far...good news eh...

Then...
I had my 1st scan with an obgyn. I was excited and also funny enough I was really really nervous and scared before that..I couldn't help thinking what if something's wrong with the baby. What if...

Do you know when you're so scared something bad would happen...then you kinda talk yourself out of the bad feeling and convinced yourself that everything is going to be fine....only to find out it's not fine at all? That your nightmare is coming true?

It was a missed miscarriage. The obgyn couldnt find a heartbeat and it looked like the pregnancy stopped at about 6 weeks...I was supposed to be 9 weeks at the time. The obgyn thought it might be a miscalculation and scheduled for a repeat scan the next week. But being in the medic world myself I knew it was a non viable pregnancy...I knew my nausea kinda stopped a few weeks ago...I told myself it was the new colostrum milk I had been drinking that stopped the morning sickness...

To cut story short...

I had misoprostol..a medication to get rid of the pregnancy. It was non viable and I could get infection if it's left too long in the uterus. Let me tell you it was the most intense crazy pain I've ever felt...I was on the verge of overdosing myself with pain medication by the end of the process which took about a week. I won't get into it...it was messy and traumatic for me. I had to go to the obgyn to help me...in short...instruments were involved.

Definitely physically and emotionally scarring...

I thought I should blog about it in more detail cos I know I would probably have selective memory about this and not ever remember it happening at all one day. I couldn't go into details here...really too messy...

Not that I don't want to remember about everything...I will always remember my unborn baby...I know it was not even a fetus then...but he was my baby. In my mind he was a boy..don't know why...I felt he was a boy. We didn't really mind if we get a boy or girl...but just a crazy maternal feeling I felt he was a boy who was gonna protect his parents and his little sister/brother...

Anyway, we were devastated...but life still goes on.

Mine feels static.

I am still at home...waiting for SPA to call me for interview. I haven't been practising for 5 months!!! Hopefulll my brain has not atrophied since then. Pleaseee not yet...

I feel:
1. Sad about my loss
2. Bored sometimes at home for lack of responsibility
3. Happy about all other blessings I have in my life :)))

Life is full of surprises isn't it?

posted by miniME @ 3:29 AM